Myths and prejudices
Even today in our society, there are still many myths and prejudices concerning domestic violence. Here are some examples:
Violence is not a disease. It is a behavior chosen by the person who uses it to dominate and control the other.
No drug substance or situation justifie a violent behavior. The true cause of violence is the desir of control the other against her will. The real cause of violence is the desire of control over the other against their will.
Men who use violence against their partners are not necessarily violent indivuals in their social or professional relationships. The agressor mainly attacks his partner, his children or his family because he feels justified in doing so. Violence is the abuser’s chosen means of exercising control and there is nothing you do or can do to be responsible for it.
The victim does not have to feel guilty to break the family. It is not the breaking up of the family that traumatizes the children, they are the victims. Living in a violent family context causes trauma.
Domestic violence is experienced in the form of a cycle that includes a honeymoon period. During this period, women experience a lot of hope and believe in the promises of change. It is often for these reasons that women return with their spouses. For more information, see the « violence » section.
|Domestic violence does not result from a loss of control, but on the contrary constitutes a chosen means of dominating his partner and asserting his power over her in orther to take control.|
- They are trapped in the cycle de la volence;
- They are ashamed, they feel guilty and helpless;
- They fear being judged and not being believed;
- They think he can change, because he promised;
- They are afraid of his threats and fear for the children;
- They fear consequences if they have to live him;
- They are afraid to lose what they have taken so many years to build;
- They think they can’t do it alone;
- They feel responsibles to «break» the family;
- They don’t know the laws that is suppose to protect them of believe the laws can do nothing to protect them;
- They love their partners, but doesn’t like their violent behaviors;
False. Feeling that your partner is jealous or annoyed because someone else is paying attention to you, it can be nice at first. It can also be a way for him to show you he cares about you. But jealous behaviors are not a proof of love. It is more a proof that your boyfriend has lacks of confidence. It can even become violence when jealousy develops into behaviors such as possessiveness, controlling the other’s activities, preventing the other from seeing her friends, etc.
False. After a breakup, violence can manifest itself in the form of threats or harassment and the consequences can become increasingly serious.
False. Alcohol is not the cause of violence, but it can bring a person who has violent behaviors to express more quickly or more intensely. It is important not to associate violence with the alcohol or drug consumption. The violent person can also use the argument of his consumption to minimize his actions. The violent person is the only responsible of his actions and nothing, like alcohol or drugs can excuse him.
True. On the contrary, it may increase. The violent person will have more opportunities to control the other since they will be together more.
False. Violence in relationships is rather a way of gaining control over the other, and not a loss of control.
False. We don’t make love just to please the other. Both of you have to be ready and want it. If we refuse, that doesn’t mean we don’t love the other.
False. Different reasons can explain why a girl stays in a relationship despite the violence : fear, lack of self-confidence, lack of resources. She may also continue to love the kind and funny part of her lover. And that she thinks she will be able to change him.