Post-separation violence has decreased in severity or has taken on a different form, compared to that suffered during the relationship.
The post-separation violence
Frequently, women think that as there is separation, there will automatically be a stop to the violence. However, the announcement of a possible breakup can arouse strong reactions in some spouses and provoke an escalation of violence. So, in many cases, the abuse may increase in severity following the separation, remain the same as during the relationship, or begin after the separation.
How to identify post-violence separation
Here are some possible examples of post-separation violence:
The violence stayed the same, got worse or started at the time of the separation.
The post-separation violence is committed by your ex during the exchanges of the children, during telephone contacts, text messages or emails.
The post-separation violence is not exercised directly par your ex, but the violence goes through the children at his request or under his influence.
The violence is there for the first time during separation. However, the control could have been present before separation.
The post-separation violence follows the violence experienced at the time of separation.
The psychological, physical, sexual, verbal or economic violences can still exist after the separation.
Physical, verbal and sexual violences stop after the separation, but the control and the psychological violences stay.
Here are some questions you can ask yourself if you think you are experiencing post-separation violence:
- Does he cooperates when it’s time to exchange children’s custody ?
- Did he threaten you to make you lose your children’s custody?
- Does he makes you feel like you are his property? (for example: he says «you are MY wife»)
- Do you feel in danger since you are in a process of separation?
- Is he harassing you? (by many calls, text messages or repetitive emails)
- Does he make you fear for your safety or your children’s?
- Does he mention to your children that you are the cause of the family separation?
- does he use the children to maintain control over you? To get information on what’s going on in your personnal life?
- Has he threatened to hurt you or your children?
- Does he use children as a confidant to talk about his anger, sadness or other feelings towards you?
If you recognize yourself in the previous statements, know that you are not alone and you can ask for help to a shelter close to you.
The goal of a protection scenario is to help you ensure your safety in a context of domestic violence.