No woman is safe from domestic violence and no woman is predestined to be a victim.
Most victims of domestic violence want to understand why their partner is violent with them. « Why does he treats me like this ? », « what did I do to deserve this ? ».
They feel guilty and believe they are responsible for the violence they suffer.
The domination present in a domestic violence relationship is not unique to a certain category of people, as we believe too often. It appears as much among the most privileged as the most underprivileged. It is not related in any case to alcohol, drugs, to the religious or cultural customs, etc. We find this domination all over the world, wherever men want to dominate their partner, wherever the society trivialize the violence.
Know that you are not alone in this situation. You are not the cause of this violence, so you are not to blame. It is important to know that you are never responsible for the violent behaviors of your partner and that the violence is not a loss of control, but a takeover on you.
Is my partner violent ?
Here are some examples to understand the different types of violence you may experience.
If you recognized yourself through some of these examples, you may be experiencing domestic violence in your intimate relationship.
At La Méridienne, we offer you the opportunity to be safe, to be listened to, to catch your breath and to take a step back from your situaton.
He denigrates my family and my friends.
I feel despised, attacked in my weak spots, humiliated and\or controled about the way I dress, do my hair,talk,etc.
It is really stressing to live with my partner because I never know what will trigger his anger, I feel like I walk on eggs.
He threatens me, scares me and I feel intimidated.
He controls my comings and goings, he forbids me to see my family and friends, or forbids me to go out without him.
He controls my paycheck and watches all my expenses.
He forbids me to get a job or makes sure I lose it.
He screams at me, insults me and he calls me by names.
I feel like I am always wrong, I feel guilty, responsible for everything and I begin to believe I am crazy.
He denigrates my body, my sexual performances or compares me to other women.
He forces me to have sex or forces me to do sexual things I don’t like.
He pushes me, hits me, pinches me, slaps me, bites me, pulls my hair, twists my arm, etc.
He destroys my clothes or my favorite things.
He throws objects, hits the walls or on the furnitures.
He says he will never accept that I leave him or that I will never be able to live without him.
Protection scenarios
the goal of a protection scenario is to make sure you are able to keep you safe in a context of domestic violence.
consequences of domestic violence
Experiencing domestic violence has important repercussions on the physical and mental health of the victims. It leaves significant consequences and traumas for these women, both physically and mentally.
The consequences of being exposed to domestic violence may persist a long time after the end of it. It affects the physical, emotionnal, mental and social well-being of the victims.
physical
A lot of researches show us that the women victims of domestic violence are at greater risk to develop physical health problems :
- Physical injuries like fractures, bruises, burns ;
- Pains and chronic fatigue ;
- Anxiety disorders and panic attacks ;
- Eating disorders ;
- Overuse of medications or drugs ;
- Migraines ;
- Post-traumatic stress disorder and depression ;
- Insomnia, nightmares.
Socio-economic
It’s common that the distress of the victim causes her different problems :
- Frequent absenteeism at work;
- lack of concentration;
- salary reduction;
- loss of work or sick leave;
- Social isolation : less and less contact with family and friends;
- Etc.
Psychological
Psychological violence has such devastating effects than physical violence, although less visible :
- Loss of self-esteem and difficulties to asserting herself (social isolation,lack of valuation) ;
- Fear (Be watched, be tense, be constantly alert, continual mistrust, etc.) ;
- sentiments of shame, guilt, powerlessness and responsability ;
- Fear for her life and\or her children’s ;
- Anger and confusion.
Emotional
Some women struggling with an abusive partner have such conflicting emotions that they describe their emotionnal lives as a « roller coaster » They have a vague impression that they are going crazy :
- Sadness, concern, anxiety;
- Anger;
- Inability;
- Humiliation;
- Distrust, terror.